When you talk to women who went through the painful process of divorce initiated by them, you may come across very similar patterns. Some hurtful behaviors or toxic patterns when left unchecked for too long can erode trust, and reduce affection in a marriage, no matter the magnitude or nature of the pattern, the outcome is usually the same, that is the tragic breakdown of the marriage. Here are 13 such behaviors in men that make them impossible to love as recounted by many divorced women.
Lack Of Emotional Responsibility
When a man fails to admit and change the behaviors in him that negatively affect his marriage, it starts to chip away at the intimacy between him and his wife. Many women feel a man who lacks accountability for his actions and attitudes becomes less attractive with each passing day till his wife can’t endure the indifference anymore.
Always Competing With His Partner
Many divorced women have reported that their husband was never a good support. In fact, he felt insecure and jealous of her accomplishments while he competed with her like a rival, in matters pertaining to finances, career ambitions, physical or domestic labor, parenting duties etc. When there was no harmony and cohesion left the women had no choice but to walk away.
Making Affection Conditional
A marriage that starts to feel like a business deal that lacks warmth and affection, loses the power of genuine attraction that holds a couple together during the good days and the bad. The absence of romantic gestures, emotional support, and intimacy, made these women feel more like roommates than life partners, so disappointed they went different paths.
Inability To Have A Naturally Flowing Communication
The worst way to deal with a disagreement is to shut down. Any woman who left their marriage tell the same thing, that their ex would resort to silent treatment or dismissal instead of addressing the pain points plaguing the relationship. When too many issues were left unaddressed the resentment grew and became the grounds for divorce.
Having Traditional Expectations From Their Wives
Many men become unlovable by the way they overburden their partner with conventional expectations while they consider themselves exempt from the same degree of labor. When women feel treated as less than rather than an equal partner in marriage they develop frustration after being invisible for years.
Expecting Their Wives to Fix Them
They expected their wives to heal childhood wounds or emotional baggage without doing personal therapeutic work themselves. She begged for understanding while he was clinging onto his past hurts. After some time, these women stopped trying to fix their husband’s emotional wounds out of exhaustion, and decided they can no longer serve as rehab centres for these men.
Used Fear And Control
Many wives who were left with no option but to call it quits had husbands who curtailed their autonomy and erased their identity. A woman who gets gaslit, ridiculed, and forced to shrink herself to appease her spouses loses all respect for him. With her confidence shattered and identity erased she chooses to walk away to protect her sanity.
Making Empty Promises
Many such women report that each had a spouse who rarely ever delivered on his words. His actions were never consistent with his words. This created deep mistrust and she fell out of love. His credibility hit rock bottom, and she could hardly imagine a lifetime with him any further.
Managing Finances Without Her Say
Men who make major life decisions and financial decisions on their own without consulting their wives show them that their opinion and judgment are not respected or welcomed. They acted all secretive around financial management treating their wives like outsiders. After feeling like strangers in their own homes for years they finally took the way out of the hurtful dynamic.
Calling Her Dramatic Or Sensitive
Most of such men were quick to invalidate their partners’ valid concerns and legitimate needs labelling them dramatic. When the wives were left underappreciated, unheard, or misunderstood they realised her pain will never be visible to them. So, disheartened, she sought a separate way.
Not Stopping External Influence
Another aspect of their marital dynamics was that these husbands showed no resistance to outside influence on the marriage. In fact they were found to discuss their intimate affairs and private matters among their own social circle or extended family. This made two points clear: one, they didn’t value their partner, and second they can’t be trusted with vulnerabilities. The marriage became emotionally unsafe to be themselves so they checked out.
Assuming Being A Provider Was Enough
They effectively created financial security in the marriage. However, they wrongly assumed that money is enough to sustain a marriage. They were emotionally unavailable and unapproachable, the very absence of emotional safety led to the demise of the connection.
Not Growing Together
A happy marriage is built when two partners equally support each other’s growth and aspirations, however in many marriages that end in divorce there is usually another one common factor: Instead of encouraging and celebrating their wives’ success, these men hindered it. This led to troubles in future as the husband grew in his life while the wives stood where they had started. This created an unbridgeable divide.
Final Thoughts
The marriages that fail usually don’t do so in a day. There are underlying patterns, neglect, miscommunication, disrespect, misunderstandings and manipulation that slowly weaken the foundation of the marriage. When love, warmth, trust and emotional intimacy are gone the marriage is doomed to fall apart.
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