A man who seems just out of reach, and perhaps happily married, can be very appealing to some women. In some cases, it could be because of his self-confidence, experience, or strong sense of self-worth. Some women may be attracted to or even pursue a man who is already taken. There are many reasons, but here are a few.
She Knows Another Woman Already Chose Him
A happy relationship can serve as social proof that a man has qualities that someone else has already found desirable. When another woman finds him attractive, there’s something about his personality or character that might be more appealing to an outside observer.
He Doesn’t Appear To Need Attention
A self-assured man who isn’t constantly searching for validation can appear more emotionally mature. After a woman’s attempts to be noticed, if he does pay even a little bit of attention, it might seem more valuable because he doesn’t pursue it.
Being Unavailable Can Create Curiosity
The harder someone is to get, the more desirable he can be to some. A married or committed man restricts access to himself. It can be even more tempting to try to get his attention.
She May Assume He Knows How Relationships Work
A man who is married or committed may seem more experienced in commitment, communication and partnership. That perception may or may not be accurate, but it can make him seem to most women as more ready for relationships.
He Can Stand Out When Someone Else Already Wants Him
When several individuals appear to be interested in the same man, it can strengthen the notion that he is attractive and desirable. His wife or partner may be proof of someone else’s appreciation of him.
He May Seem More Confident With Women
A man who is content with his partner might be more at ease with other women during interactions as he is not trying to impress them. This laid-back attitude may sometimes be confused with a particularly high level of confidence, and the ease for invitation by some women.
She Doesn’t Have To Wonder If He Can Attract Someone
A man with a partner can unknowingly send a message that he can make the kind of attraction that caused another person to select him. If he already had a crush on someone, and made them his, then that means he is desirable.
The Forbidden Part Can Add Excitement
For some women, the thrill of an affair is the emotional highs that accompany the mystery and the secrecy. The allure of novelty and risk can make chasing an unavailable man even more tempting.
He Can Feel Less Emotionally Demanding
Some may be drawn to unavailable men due to a fear of serious long-term commitment with a life partner. Emotional distance can be more comfortable than being fully engaged with a fully available partner.
Competition Can Make Attraction A Challenge
In some cases, it may be more about winning than the person himself. This can lead to an unhealthy mental competition and can be a factor in mate poaching.
She May Romanticize What She Doesn’t Really Know
If a man is not available, there is ample opportunity for some women to imagine scenarios that may never happen and fantasize his presence in her life. His inaccessibility can leave more room for imagination, and make him easier to idealize.
His Attention Can Feel More Valuable
If a man has boundaries and keeps his interactions simple, even a simple compliment or moment of connection can feel meaningful to someone who is already interested in him. Interactions that are perfectly normal and harmless can seem more suggestive than they are.
Reality Can Be Very Different From Fantasy
Being attractive because he has successfully attracted someone before doesn’t necessarily mean he would make a good partner. If he is accepting romantic advances from another woman and is willing to cheat on his current partner, this may be a problem in his next relationship as well.
Final Thoughts
The attraction to unavailable men isn’t as simple as saying that women want what they can’t have. For some, it could be social proof, curiosity, competition, perceived confidence, emotional distance, or the excitement of something forbidden.
However, there is a difference between simply finding someone attractive and being truly invested in chasing someone who is already taken. What makes an unavailable man desirable can sometimes be the same thing that makes him a bad boyfriend.
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