One of the least mentioned hurts aren’t even romantic breakups rather the micro-breakups a selfish loved one can inflict upon us. The emotional wounds cut so deep, it may take years to understand the manipulation, and lack of warmth. Deep down you may keep hoping they might reciprocate the kindness. But somehow their attention, time, energy, and support are more important than you. You start doubting your own worth waiting for their approval. Here are 13 ways to tackle a mean and self-centered person, and protect your mental peace.
Stop Explaining Every Time You Say No
You don’t owe an explanation to anyone for protecting your peace. If someone has repeatedly disrespected your boundaries and goodness, you have every right to state your boundaries without guilt.
Stop Rewarding Their Selfish Behavior
You may have the saviour complex and feel the urge to understand the psychological reasons behind someone’s poor treatment of you. But you need to stop feeding this loop, you can’t take the responsibility of teaching someone self-accountability by sacrificing yourself endlessly for someone who is blind to your goodness.
Match Their Effort Instead of Carrying the Relationship
If at any cost you have to live with them then do so by matching their energy. You don’t have to bend over backwards for someone who meets you halfway. This will prevent you from getting hurt by expectations you may develop from overgiving. Show warmth if they show it, initiate a conversation when they show the desire to engage.
Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
The biggest mistake you may make is to render an apology for every time you set a boundary that protects your peace. The more guilty you feel for taking up space the more control a selfish or manipulative person can have over you. State your non-negotiables once and step back.
Stop Letting Their Disappointment Control You
You may retrace your steps when you feel your actions have inadvertently hurt them. This is a mistake that will keep you trapped in their game. If a relationship requires you to abandon yourself for keeping your partner from being disappointed then maybe disappointing them is the healthiest choice you can make when stuck in a dilemma whether to choose them or your own peace.
Call Out the Behavior, Not Their Character
Separate the behavior from the person. Don’t make their selfishness their identity. You can safely label their behavior problematic but still maintain a healthy connection by offering them clear and constructive feedback on how their behavior has affected you.
Don’t Keep Giving to Prove You’re a Good Person
You may feel the urge to prove yourself generous every time they overlook how you inconvenience yourself for their comfort, but they rarely ever acknowledge it. This cycle is bound to exhaust you. You can stay kind without sacrificing your emotional energy, time, and efforts for an ungrateful person.
Stop Expecting Them to Read Your Mind
You stay stuck in the loop of offering your best version to someone who is so limited in their vision they fail to sense your needs let alone meet them. Staying silent about your emotions, needs and concerns equates to setting yourself up for disappointment. Communicate in clear words what you need then see if they genuinely make an effort to understand you.
Refuse to Participate in One-Sided Conversations
A self-absorbed person keeps bragging about their own achievements, goals, hobbies or interests. If the conversations become one-sided instead of allowing resentment to build, gently add your own experience and topics of interest to the discussions too. You deserve to be heard too.
Protect Your Time Like It Matters
If they value their own time, efforts, work, schedule and health you aren’t obligated to comply with their routine. You can accommodate them but not at the expense of your own time, energy, schedule and work. Plans need to be mutually agreed and must consider the convenience of both parties. You are not someone’s leisure time activity. Don’t give in to the sense of urgency they create.
Don’t Confuse Their Occasional Kindness With Lasting Change
Don’t let one occasional gesture of consideration undo the years of pain. Pay attention to the pattern, if you have observed them to be selfish and kindness is an exception to their true nature then getting deluded by a claim or promise would be foolish.
Stop Trying to Win Their Approval
Your worth does not rely on their approval. You may struggle to convince a selfish person to respect your legitimate boundaries, especially when they benefited from you not having them. Bear in mind, you were easier to exploit when you endured their manipulation. You are allowed to make decisions that are in your best interest rather than what would please them.
Know When It’s Time to Create Distance
If a relationship becomes so draining that even an hour of conversation leaves you drained then you may need to reconsider their place in your life. If someone repeatedly oversteps your boundaries and exploits your generosity, reducing contact with them would be healthier than letting them trample all over you.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with a selfish person, especially when you have been a people pleaser all your life, can be a difficult cycle to break. You don’t need to erase your goodness to match their energy. You can simply stop overextending yourself where it hurts you. You aren’t responsible for being endlessly available, accessible or compassionate when disrespected. Set your limits, know your worth, and move away from people or spaces that fail to honor your boundaries and emotionally harm you. No matter how much you love sometimes, trading your peace for their love is never a wise decision.
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