Not everyone who seems quiet or distant is emotionally cold. Some people simply take longer to open up after they have tested the waters with you. While, on the other hand, not everyone who appears warm at first is nice in reality. But you can’t tell who someone really is unless you have observed their behavioral patterns carefully. You may end up with a cold-hearted partner if you fail to see through her true nature in time. Here are 13 ways that reveal the hidden patterns.
She Watches You Hurt Without Trying To Comfort You
You may be going through a really rough patch in life. Instead of leaning in with the kind of support you could use at that moment, she goes quiet. She pretends to be unaware and chooses distance and indifference over actively investing herself emotionally to comfort you.
Your Feelings Always Somehow Become Your Problem
Every time you end up stuck in a challenge, instead of approaching you with empathy, she starts to carelessly taunt or criticize you for making the wrong choices that led to the issues at hand.
She Remembers Every Mistake But Forgets Every Sacrifice
She keeps a mental score of all your past mistakes, and filters out all your positive contributions. The moment a difference of opinion emerges, she tactfully weaponizes them against you. This emotionally cold approach hinders effective problem-solving communication, leaving issues unresolved and piling up.
She Only Shows Affection When It Benefits Her
She is manipulative even at expressing affection. One day she showers you with love, the next day she acts distant because she got what she wanted from you. To her, intimacy is a tool of control.
She Makes You Feel Guilty For Needing Emotional Support
Her needs and her feelings are all that matter to her. When you want support she is suddenly unavailable, too busy or simply doesn’t care. She goes as far as minimizing your emotional needs or valid concerns by calling them “too much” or “too melodramatic”. When you repeatedly feel dismissed, you start to feel guilty for having expressed them.
She Never Seems Truly Happy For Your Success
On the surface she may act like she sees you as an equal partner. But the moment you achieve a milestone, or succeed in your career, her insecurity starts to show through her behaviors and words. She either redirects the discussion to her own achievements or tries to downplay your accomplishment, calling it ordinary or nothing worth this much hype.
She Turns Every Disagreement Into A Power Struggle
While you fight against the common enemy, the mutual problems that plague your relationship, she fights to gain a win for her ego. She doesn’t care if the issue you want to settle hurts you or the relationship, she has to be the winner in every argument.
She Knows Exactly What Hurts You And Uses It Anyway
She hits below the belt by using your deepest insecurities, and fears as tools to counter you during a debate. She doesn’t want conflict resolution. This pattern of emotional abuse leaves little room for emotional safety or vulnerability with her and you eventually detach emotionally from her.
She Stops Caring How Her Words Affect You
She deliberately inflicts deep emotional wounds through cutting remarks that she knows would hit your weakest spots. This is her favorite tactic to silence you when she can’t find a way to gain the upper hand in an argument.
Your Pain Feels Like An Inconvenience To Her
She is all joyful and pleasant as long as everything is going well. When you are faced with a stressful situation, and you need support from your partner, she feels annoyed. She attempts to shut you down when you try to talk about your grief instead of gently lending you an empathetic ear.
She Makes You Feel Lonely Even When She’s Right Beside You
You may be living under the same roof and apparently everything seems fine on the surface as well, but deep down, you feel like the loneliest person on earth. You don’t feel heard, seen, appreciated or emotionally connected to your partner because she doesn’t make herself emotionally available.
She Never Takes Responsibility For The Damage She Causes
She’s a classic gaslighter and accountability deflector. She very conveniently dumps the entire responsibility of every old and new conflict onto you because accepting her own role would hurt her ego.
She Leaves You Wondering Whether She Ever Really Cared
On your loneliest days, you may find yourself wondering, did she ever care about you to begin with? Or was the initial romance and big promises just in your head? Some days, you let your heart believe in her love and on others when reality hits hard, you mourn the lack thereof.
Final Thoughts
Nobody is a perfect partner. Not even the most ideal woman would sometimes lack the capacity to comfort you when she herself is stretched thin. But if a woman consistently proves time and again through her words and actions that she lacks empathy, you would be a fool not to believe the red flags. A healthy relationship is founded on empathy, compassion, accountability, and mutual care. If you feel there’s a mutual agreement on mending the brokenness in your emotionally distant relationship, perhaps seeking couples counseling would help decide whether or not the relationship can heal.
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