One of the worst things to come to understand is that the individual you’re into is simply playing with your mind. As you’re searching for a real connection, she may be using you to inflate her own ego or to get some freebies. When you have feelings for someone, it’s easy to tune out your gut, and you’ll find yourself making excuses for her, such as saying she’s just busy or stressed. However, at the end of the day, a woman who is really interested in you will not leave you in doubt about whether you matter or not. If you are feeling more anxious than happy, you need to check out these signs.
She Shows Inconsistent Hot and Cold Behavior
This is a classic technique that is used to make you feel hooked and addicted. One day you’re her world; the next day, she’s distant and cold for no reason. It’s similar to an addiction. You feel a rush of excitement when she’s paying attention to you, and then a strong craving when she steps away. This cycle leaves you always wanting to be in that “hot” phase again, trying to get her validation.
You Are Always Available for Her but She Is Not for You
She is aware that people appreciate rarity, so she may pretend to be busy simply to make herself seem more important. She will make you wait or delay her texts even if she is not using her phone. Meanwhile, she is hoping that you will be available the moment she calls. This is a huge imbalance and she is seeing herself as the prize and you as one of her options.
She Cancels Plans at the Last Minute
An hour before the date, canceling it is a big power play to keep you off balance. She knows you were looking forward to spending time with her, and taking it away at the last minute makes you want to see her even more. If she really liked you, she’d be excited to show up. If she’s constantly flaking and has a lame excuse, she’s telling you that your time is not important to her.
She Puts in Little to No Effort Into the Connection
A relationship should not be a one-sided affair. If you’re the one who is always sending out ideas for dates, and you’re the one trying to keep things hot, you’re being used for a good time. She’s okay with sitting back and taking it all in without giving anything in return. If she’s not matching your energy, she’s just riding along and letting you do all the work.
She Avoids Giving Clear or Direct Answers
She is vague or deflects questions when asked what she has been doing or who she has been seeing. This is a huge red flag that she’s keeping her life separate from yours. She may be trying to keep her world to herself to be able to leave when she pleases without any mess. If she is hesitant to give out basic information, she is probably playing it safe.
She Keeps You Questioning Her Intentions and Your Place in Her Life
The most obvious indication you’re being played is if you have to wonder if you’re being manipulated. When you’re always feeling like you’re on a rollercoaster or you’re always walking on eggshells, something is amiss. A woman who loves you wants you to be safe and secure. If you have been seeing her for some time and you still don’t know where you stand, it is likely that she wants you to feel that way.
She Does Not Change Behavior That Makes You Feel Insecure
If they don’t care about your peace of mind, then communication is not going to work. If you tell her that some of her actions make you feel bad, and she continues to do them anyway, she is playing with you. She would prefer to keep you in a state of worry rather than alter your habits so you feel loved. She refuses to change, so it’s more about her comfort than your feelings.
She Is Overly Secretive Especially With Her Phone
If she keeps her phone in a top-secret mode and takes it to the bathroom each time, pay attention. This is typically a red flag that she is hiding something, such as texting other guys she is dating, too. Such a level of secrecy can’t create a solid base of trust. If she’s always on her phone with you, but it takes her a long time to respond to your text, you’re not her priority.
She Struggles to Maintain Consistent Communication
She may go away for days and then come back as if nothing had happened. Your texts may be on read, but you can find her on social media. This is not because she is busy, because no one is too busy to send a 5 second text to someone they care about. She only speaks to you when she is bored or wants something, so she is using you as a convenience.
She Gets Jealous but Does Not Offer Commitment
She may seem uncaring about you until she sees another girl being interested in you. Then, she’s all over you. This is not love; it’s just that she doesn’t want anyone else to have her “toy. She doesn’t want to be with you seriously, but she doesn’t want to lose the attention you give her. She’s jealous of the loss of control, but not because she wants a real future.
She Avoids Defining or Labeling the Relationship
She may say that she has “commitment issues” or that she wants to “see where things go” to not get a real label. It’s okay to take your time, but if you do it all the time, it’s likely she’s looking for freedom to find someone else. If she doesn’t call you her boyfriend after a long period of time, she is waiting for a “better” boyfriend.
She Does Not Introduce You to People Close to Her
If you have been with her for months, and you have never met one of her friends, you are being “pocketed. She’s putting you in a little box that’s not part of her life. The girl who likes you will be proud to introduce you to her friends. If she’s hiding you, it’s because she doesn’t see you as a permanent part of her world.
She Excludes You From Her Future Plans
She speaks of her objectives or her next big trip in the first person, using “I” rather than “we. You’re not in her long term vision because she sees you as someone to pass the time with now. If you don’t fit into her plans for the future, then you don’t plan to be there when the time comes.
She Reaches Out Mainly When It Is Convenient for Her
This means the late night “u up” texts or only contacting her when she needs something. She just wants to be with you on her own terms and isn’t interested in a real relationship during the day. If she’s only noticed you when she needs something or is lonely, she’s only using your emotions to get what she wants.
She Creates or Amplifies Insecurities in You
This is a very confusing strategy to get you to pursue her more. She may talk about how she prefers to date men who are not like you so that you feel like you are not good enough. This makes you have to prove yourself to her 10 times harder. It puts you in a place where you’re always trying to please her, and she remains in control.
She Treats the Relationship Casually While You Want Something Serious
She may be willing to go out to fancy dinners with you or even give you a gift, but when it gets serious, she’s done. If she’s only around for the fun parts and the perks, she’s interested in what you can provide, not who you are. She maintains the surface-level connection so that she doesn’t feel guilty when she decides to move on.
Final Thoughts
Playing isn’t about you; it’s about her. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship where it’s a cat-and-mouse game; you deserve a relationship that’s based on respect and real effort. If you are the only one trying and you are always feeling drained and confused, it’s time to get out of the situation. Be honest enough to quit the game, stop contacting her, and conserve your energy for someone who will appreciate you. Don’t be treated as a second choice when should be the first one.
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