In relationship conflicts, yelling is often deemed as the most emotionally damaging behavior. However, clinical psychologists and relationship experts think otherwise, and their hypothesis is backed by neuroscience. They suggest that the opposite of shouting i.e. stone-walling carries far more grave implications to the human body than verbal abuse. Stone-walling, also famously known as the “silent treatment,” is when after an argument one partner avoids conversation and emotionally withdraws for days on end to the detriment of the victim’s mental health. Over time, psychological symptoms start manifesting as physical symptoms as it is a systemic shock. When a human in love feels the attachment is under threat it triggers a cascade of physiological responses that are similar to signs of physical injury.
Here are 15 ways silent treatment affects the body systems and overall health of the one at the receiving end of stonewalling in a negative way
The Activation of the Anterior Cingulate Cortex
The brain is unable to tell apart the emotional abuse of stonewalling from physical pain. Functional MRI studies reveal social rejection activates the same region of the brain that is activated following a physical injury. The dull ache you feel in your chest when you are meted out the silent treatment is a real neurological event.
The Vagus Nerve Shutdown
The vagus nerve is a part of the parasympathetic nervous system which is meant for keeping you relaxed and calm. Silent treatment causes a “dorsal vagal shift,” sending your body to a freeze or shutdown state. There is a heavy feeling in the arms and legs or you are gasping for air.
The “Catecholamine Spike” Without Release
The resentment and bitterness keeps building up inside as you don’t get an outlet to “vent” your emotions due to stone-walling even when you are under high stress. The stress activates fight or flight response releasing epinephrine and norepinephrine (catecholamines), preparing you for a conflict or fight that might never happen at all.This “bottled up energy” causes agitation and tachycardia.
Cortisol Flooding and the Immune Gap
The most painful thing about silent treatment is the state of uncertainty and doubt it creates about the future of the relationship. You are stuck in a limbo whether to break away or stay in the relationship with the hope of a positive change some day. This causes a chronic spike in cortisol level which in turn suppresses the immune system.
Hypervigilance and the Amygdala Hijack
Silence of your partner is perceived as an emergency by your brain’s alarm system that is the amygdala sending your body into hyper-alertness. Your mind unconsciously starts to look around for danger when there is none or for cues of safety. This constant hypervigilance is extremely draining both emotionally and physically.
Impact on Cardiac Rhythms: Tachycardia and Palpitations
The heart rate starts to show significant fluctuations due to perceived rejection. The most common complaint among most victims of chronic stone-walling is heart palpitations or a feeling of pressure in the chest. Gradually, this state can lead to long-term damage or weakening of the cardiac system.
The “Broken” Circadian Rhythm
Stone-walling causes “sleep-onset insomnia” in its victim. The brain is unable to truly rest as it constantly feels the threat of jeopardized “attachment bond” looming. The interrupted or fragmented sleep you get as a result prevents the brain from detoxification overnight.
Gastrointestinal Distress: The Gut-Brain Axis
The gastrointestinal system is also known as the “second brain.” In a victim of silent treatment the enteric nervous system responds with sluggish digestion or “indigestion or dyspepsia.” It won’t be wrong to say you literally feel sick to your stomach during the stonewalling phase in your relationship,
Muscle Tension and the “Shoulder Armor”
The body naturally prepares for chronic stone-walling by developing “guarding” behaviors, as a way to protect it from any damage. You feel a certain kind of tension and discomfort in the neck, shoulders, and jaw. As a result tension headaches and chronic myofascial pain or trigger points ensue..
Cognitive Fog and the Prefrontal Cortex
When during a silent treatment duration you shift your entire mental energy and focus on regaining your partner’s attention and love, it diverts energy away from the prefrontal cortex. This causes poor concentration and decision making. Even simple tasks start to seem daunting when you are in a survival mode.
The Onset of “PISD” Symptoms
Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder is the byproduct of episodes of repeated stone-walling. The snub they give you feels like rejection, or emotional abandonment. You frantically check your old lovey dovey chats and you get flashbacks of your fondest memories with them, or you may become emotionally numb over time. A heightened startle response is also the result of stonewalling.
Disruption of Metabolic Control
In diabetic patients stone-walling triggers “glucose spikes.” The metabolic stability is disrupted by silent treatment. Poor glycemic control and worsening diabetes is the end result of this emotional manipulation..
Telomere Shortening and Accelerated Aging
Modern studies in psychoneuroimmunology revealed an important fact that “apathy or indifference” in a relationship causes premature cellular aging. The chronic stress from frequent silent treatment episodes literally shortens your telomeres on your DNA, accelerating aging.
The “Social Pain” Withdrawal Effect
Silent treatment causes an overall dip in oxytocin and dopamine levels. This is felt like the withdrawal symptoms you get from abstinence of an addictive substance. You feel lethargic, have constant tension headaches, and a sense of impending doom lingers, which ends up affecting your social behavior.
The Erosion of the “Biological Shield”
Ultimately, the most tragic truth about stone-walling is that instead of acting as a protective shield from outside influence or toxicity such an emotionally abusive marriage or relationship itself becomes the primary source of emotional ache. This eventually shortens your overall life expectancy.
Final Thoughts
Stone-walling is not an unconsciously inflicted pain on a loved one, it is a deliberate attempt to manipulate or blackmail a partner into submission and having one’s own way with things. This emotional isolation that a partner creates for their partner is a direct physiological attack on the person they claim to love. True love doesn’t come with terms and conditions. True love does not operate on emotional abuse. True love is calming on the nerves and not otherwise. To minimise the damage both partners must prioritize “active presence” and realize that silence when used as a weapon works against the relationship even when the ego seems to be winning, it’s the connection that loses. Just like you must choose your words wisely, the key to a healthy relationship is to choose your silence wisely.
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