When two people are bound in a relationship, disagreements and conflicts are inevitable, but what separates couples who grow stronger through difficult times from those who slowly drift apart is what they do with those conflicts. They adopt effective communication strategies and stick to certain communication rules no matter how much their ego tries to get in their way. They don’t allow differences to increase the distance between them; they rather use these as opportunities to strengthen their bond further.
Here are 13 communication rules happy couples swear and live by.
They Work As a Team
A healthy marriage has a couple that operates with a team-oriented mindsetp, rather than viewing each other as competitors. To them winning the argument is not the goal, conflict resolution and problem-solving are.
They Fight The Problem Under All Circumstances
They maintain the rule of fairness and never allow ego to take over their decisions even when they are engaged in a fight. They make logical and practical problem-solving a nonnegotiable priority.
They Never Play Blame Games
Even when they have a legitimate concern or grievance they don’t make their partner feel attacked or responsible for their problems. They smartly use neutral statements using “I feel lonely when you’re not around on weekend nights” instead of “You always make me feel lonely by never taking me out on your hangouts.” This shifts from blame to empathy and there’s a higher chance of understanding where a little carelessness would have made their partner react defensively.
They Don’t Let Their Conflicts Spiral Out Of Control
Mature couples steer clear of drama and chaos. If things go downhill they take time to cool off before they have attained enough clarity to engage in a healthy communication to resume the conversation. They take space before they sit down for conflict-resolution.
They Stop Using Underhanded Comments Or Insults
They don’t resort to sarcasm, destructive criticism, and insults to demean their partner even during a heated exchange. The ability to maintain your composure and mutual respect during the most vulnerable moments is what makes the biggest difference. They deliberately avoid hurtful words and have harsh tones so once the fight is over reconnecting doesn’t feel awkward.
They Don’t Keep A Score Of Past Mistakes
The successful couples discuss any issue that arises head-on that keeps the resentment from brewing. They know weaponising the past mistakes in a new conflict reopens the old wounds and impedes resolution of the current issue.
They Aren’t Brutally Honest And Hurtful
A mature couple understands the importance of honesty but they also understand that in being honest they don’t have to break their partner’s heart. They maintain respect and calmly state the facts in order to tackle the issue at hand, not with the intent to shatter their self-esteem.This practice encourages the two way flow of honest communication.
They Don’t Jump to Conclusions
Whenever they sit down to talk about an issue, they do so with deep understanding and maturity. They don’t invalidate, dismiss or downplay each other’s concerns or feelings but rather listen with empathy. They don’t allow difficult circumstances to pit them against each other but work their way through a problem as a unified front.
They Listen To Respond, Not React
When their spouse approaches them with a complaint they don’t rush to think up a witty comeback but instead listen attentively with a calm distraction free presence so their partner feels safe expressing themselves. Good listening is one of the most effective communication tools.
They Use Gentle Touch To Comfort
The healing potential of a gentle touch is something they tap on when needed. A little reassuring and gentle press on the hand, or putting their hands on their distressed partner’s shoulder or arm, may seem insignificant but instantly softens their tone, and things quickly move back towards normal.
They Keep their Focus On Seeking Solution
They fight to end the cause behind the fight, not to drag each other down. They establish lasting peace and stability through keeping their small or big conflicts strictly solution centric. They aspire to see their relationship to be the ultimate winner.
They Never Use Threats Of Divorce Or Separation
Many immature men or women alike use threats of separation as tools to control their partner’s reaction or to intimidate them into silence momentarily. But in the long-term it has quite the opposite effect, that is, it creates insecurity and mistrust in such relationships. A couple that stays together seeks conflict resolution, not conflict avoidance or intimidation.
They Both Try To Be The First One to Apologize
They ensure every fight ends on a good note. They have an unspoken communication rule, that they don’t go to sleep before seeking apologies from each other if the issue is small. Both of them try to be the bigger person as they never feel ashamed of approaching their partner first to apologize.
Final Thoughts
Happy couples aren’t scared of broaching uncomfortable topics, in fact their main strength is their ability to deal with them head-on. They know disagreements are unavoidable, but the way they will manage them will decide the fate of their relationship. Communication that is respectful, transparent, open, clear and calm has a tremendous healing power which always reunites them, and each time more closely than before.
Which of these 13 rules do you think is the hardest to follow in the heat of the moment?
Leave a Reply