Society teaches men from a very young age to stay strong, not cry or run for help. They are taught to pick themselves up, in fact, support the women in their lives as protectors, as well. The pressure keeps mounting as they grow older, as responsibilities increase and emotional support diminishes. The worst part? They have to act fine on the surface even when struggling inside.
Here are 14 harsh realities of being a man that men aren’t allowed to talk about.
Carrying Financial Dread Without a Safety Net
A boy grows up to understand he must earn enough money to feel worthy of love from his family and in the future, his potential life partner, and sadly at some point his kids too. He feels alone and deeply burdened in this lone fight against circumstances. If he fails to achieve financial milestones by a certain age, he goes into depression and along with it his sense of self-worth, as society inadvertently makes him see financial failure as a character flaw.
The Agonizing Isolation of Emotional Desolation
He was told, “Brave boys never cry”. He grew up receiving little emotional support as many parents try to toughen up their boys in preparation for the practical life that awaits them. This is quite an injustice to a man, he deserves emotional safety too. Where can a distressed man turn? He has to sit with his emotions alone as he feels being vulnerable would make him appear weak.
Feeling Like Your Worth Is Entirely Conditional
Since childhood he sees how a man’s value as a human is quietly tied to his utility, what financial benefits he brings home? Can he build a successful career? Does he know how to fix things around the house? Can he run errands for his family? Can he book vacations? Can he protect his spouse emotionally? These unspoken expectations create a terrifying fear in his heart, “What If I lose the job? The stability? My strength? Will I still be valued?”
The Fear of Being Judged for Showing Grief
Many times, when you go to a funeral, you see men standing tall, unfazed by the passing of their loved ones, not because they aren’t struck by grief. They know breaking down is not an option for them. They have to stay strong to protect the emotional state of others related to him. This face of strength in public saves him from losing his perceived authority. He cries in private when nobody can see him, then pulls himself together to smile in front of others the very next day.
Enduring Chronic Physical Pain in Silence
Women can express their pain and discomfort but rarely get questioned for it. Men, however, refrain from sharing their serious chronic backaches, joint pain or poor mental health. A man in pain just pops up an ibuprofen with his mug of coffee to do away with the pain then expects others to recognize his pain. He can’t afford to take time off as his entire family relies on him. An admission of his pain feels like an acceptance of defeat to many men.
The Terror of Failing as a Protector and Provider
Global inflation rises, wars break out, mass unemployment hits, etc, he has to deal with all these pressures while ensuring his family is well taken care of. He gets scared too, but he fears sharing his stress with his dependents to avoid any unnecessary panic and instability.
Walking Through Life Without a Safe Harbor
Women have strong support systems, close friends and coworkers to emotionally lean on for support. But men don’t open up easily; they deal with traumas, failure, disappointment, and stress. They navigate their personal struggles on their own as they have nowhere to go.
Navigating Constant, Invisible Underappreciation
A man can work seventy hours a week, sacrifice his health, and pour every ounce of energy into building a secure life, only for his efforts to become invisible background noise. The silence of being unappreciated cuts deeper than explicit criticism.
The Fear of Being Misunderstood as Threatening
Another dimension that gets less attention, especially following movements like #MeToo men have been the target of false accusations with fake harassment charges being levelled in many cases solely out of revenge. They are scared to date anyone, they don’t approach women even when interested out of fear of being judged, as a little frankness might get their public image tarnished. Similarly, his sheer presence in public spaces requires him to be extra cautious and hyperaware.
Burying Past Traumas to Keep the Peace
Men are humans with deeply human needs too. But women get a free pass when they have a meltdown or emotional reaction due to past traumas, men however have to bury the past bitter experiences, old failures, childhood trauma and broken promises to maintain stability and peace.
The Guilt of Wanting Rest
Men just can’t have some time off from their roles, rest is a concept they consider forbidden, as they have too many obligations to fulfill. If they cut themselves some slack, who brings the financial security home? Who fixes around the house? Who would ensure healthy communication to ensure emotional safety? Society relentlessly whispers in his mind that resting would mean he’s falling behind, turning basic human fatigue into a man’s moral failing.
Watching Your Parents Age While Feeling Powerless
There is a special kind of sadness and grief in seeing one’s parents grow old and frail as you helplessly see them age. This phase emotionally impacts a man deeply but he rarely tells his parents how anxious and scared he feels about losing them.
The Pressure to Always Have the Answers
The biggest tragedy is that he may be in the middle of a major crisis yet his partner or family expects him to have answers for every question. He deems it insulting to say he doesn’t know the answer to something asked from him.
The Weight of Being Disposable
Unfortunately, men are conditioned to believe, rightfully so, that they are viewed less as humans with real feelings and more as functional assets. He has to ensure the safety and security of others before him even when there is a danger or threat that puts everyone at risk. He is meant to put himself last.
Final Thoughts
Men may appear to be creatures of valiance and bravado as they perfectly play the invincible hero for all acts every single day. But this performance is necessitated from the silent realisation that no one is coming to save him. He has to save himself, even when his world comes crumbling down on him. But it’s high time men stepped out of the armor and realised that being vulnerable or emotional doesn’t make them any less masculine, but deeply, truly human.
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