If you feel tired from the burden of unrealistically high expectations and the efforts it takes to meet those standards, you are not alone. Many men have to face these challenges at every stage in life. These may not just be limited to romantic relationships but men are pressured into meeting a certain standard in every role they play, a son, a father, a colleague or simply a citizen. And the worst part? You may be crumbling down inside and yet have to maintain a facade of strength and resilience just because you are a man. Here are 14 ways men are unfairly loaded with high expectations.
Stay Calm Even When Your World Is Falling Apart
When everything is falling apart, bills are piling up, debts remain unpaid, your partner is unhappy, your children need your time, and your aging parents’ health is declining, you are still expected to show up with calm, poise, and a smile on your face. Who wouldn’t break down under this much pressure? If you feel broken, it’s totally human. Don’t think you’re too weak for feeling this way.
Navigate Problems Without Help
You’re supposed to be the ultimate savior for everyone and anything that needs fixing. You may start to wonder why you have been assigned the role of a superhero in everyone’s life? Where do you go when you need to be rescued? There’s no shame in admitting when you feel too depleted to continue bearing the emotional load on your shoulders. Asking for help doesn’t render you a loser or failure, it makes you human.
Earn More Each Year
The system places an unreasonable demand upon men to feel capable and successful. They are expected to be financially stable at all costs, once you start to earn there’s an unspoken expectation that there are going to be yearly promotions, raises, side business and other ways to increase your net worth. Don’t let this expectation make you feel like a loser when despite hard work you fail to achieve your financial goals. Don’t tether your value to your paycheck.
Never Admit Your Exhaustion
You’re led to believe that admitting your tiredness exposes weakness. So this keeps you hustling, day and night. This grind starts to replace your identity. But you pay with an out-of-shape body, insomnia, deteriorating health, and a weakening connection with your family, the very people you are working so hard for. You need to ask yourself: do the benefits outweigh the cost or is overwork affecting your relationships and health?
Deal With Family Drama With Patience
You’re unfairly expected to serve as the mediator in any conflicts that arise within the family, and keep the situation from spiraling out of control. But it’s natural to lose your cool too, once in a while, no matter how emotionally mature you are. Being expected to always stay regulated and calm can be unfairly exhausting.
Be An Involved Father
Fathers are supposed to be all rounders. They’re expected to attend school meetings, take the kids out for fun, look after them when their partner goes to work, and contribute equally to parenting. All this while ensuring the financial security of the home. This may deplete your energy when you try too hard to be perfect at everything.
Laugh Off Stress And Anxieties
Men don’t cry. Men are strong, all men grow up hearing this phrase. They internalize it. And become great at masking their stress until they reach a breakdown. Laughing off your troubles as humor does not make the underlying issue disappear. When things feel hard don’t try to cover your stress with jokes just to show you’re fine.
Always Want Intimacy
You may be tired, stressed, overworked, yet your partner expects you to be ready for romance. If you’re not cheerful or interested, your partner may assume something is wrong with you. Can men not have mood swings? You have every right to say no to intimacy if you don’t feel up to it.
Solve All Of Her Problems Like You Have None Yourself
Be her constant emotional support, comfort her, cuddle her, lift her mood, and lend her an ear. But when it’s your turn to share your feelings? Suddenly, she’s too busy, distracted, or worse dismissive, as though your problems don’t matter. You deserve to feel emotionally safe too.
Figure Out Life By 30
You’re supposed to know what you want from life by the time you hit 30. Your relationship timeline, career milestones, retirement plans, kids’ future, somehow you’re expected to have it all sorted by 30. Don’t let this age-linked checklist intimidate you. You can start at 30 and still be successful. It’s never too late to figure out your life as long as you’re earnest.
Pretend Work Doesn’t Tire You
You’re expected to treat your workplace like your happy place. Smile and act grateful for overtime, but the truth is the demands and pressure of work life can suck the energy and life out of you. You don’t have to pretend to like your job. You may simply work because you need the salary, and that’s okay..
Stay Silent When You Are Breaking Down
When you live by the unspoken understanding that real men never cry or scream when stressed, you may end up with so much unresolved hurt and anger built up. The anger takes the form of silence which may eat away at your mental peace if you wont express it ever. Give yourself the permission to scream, shout or yell when it gets too overwhelming for you. This doesn’t by any means imply that you’re weak.
Know How To Use All Kinds Of Tools And Gadgets
From fixing cars, changing flat tyres to plumbing leaking pipes as a man you are expected to be the Jack of all trades This puts so much pressure on you to never admit when you don’t know something, you would rather learn than accept your ignorance on the subject. Why go so hard on yourself? Not knowing something is not a sign of inadequacy.
Never Complain
Men are often blamed to be emotionally detached or withdrawn. But have you ever thought about what makes men unexpressive and silent about their emotional world? The fear of being judged for opening up about their insecurities, vulnerabilities or feelings, this makes men turn inward when a problem arises rather than turning to anyone else for seeking help and support.
The healthiest way to navigate the high expectations is to mentally dissociate from the high standards and live your life the way you want. Do what makes you happy. And seek help when you reach our breaking point. Neither of these things make you less manly, rather more resilient and emotionally regulated.
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