A lot of modern men may feel less enthusiastic about getting into relationships, for myriad reasons. Your financial stability may complicate things, you may wonder whether your partner is attracted for financial safety, or for love? Or maybe she has some different set of expectations from the marriage, or she has a different definition of love. Before you commit to someone, you need to ask yourself these brutally honest questions as they will determine compatibility beyond mere romantic chemistry. If there’s a lack of trust, emotional safety, mental compatibility or a genuine willingness to build a life together there’s little hope such a relationship would sustain.
Do I Feel Like I Can Be Completely Myself Around Her?
The first and foremost question you honestly need to ask yourself is whether you feel you can truly be yourself around her or do you have to perform to be a certain version she likes? If she makes you feel at home with all your imperfections, mistakes, quirks and flaws then she’s the right one for you.
Do I Actually Trust Her?
Trust is the essence of any promising and fulfilling long-term relationship. If you can trust her with all your vulnerabilities, fears, deepest feelings and rawest thoughts without any doubt about her intentions, words, concern, love or problem-solving abilities, then committing to her without a second thought is totally worth it.
Can We Disagree Without Destroying Each Other?
Can you safely argue without turning every disagreement into a full-blown battle of egos? This question determines the ultimate fate of your relationship with her. If you can both allow each other safe space to express your needs, concerns and grievances you are truly meant to be together. Healthy conflict resolution is a must for a happy long-lasting relationship.
Do Our Core Values Actually Match?
Don’t let the initial infatuation delude you into believing you are soulmates. A true soulmate shares more than just the butterflies and romantic chemistry. She has the same values and espouses the same mindset regarding faith, culture, personal boundaries, family, finances, responsibilities, children, career, growth etc.
Am I Choosing Her or Just Afraid of Being Alone?
If fear of ending up alone is the sole reason you are mindlessly rushing into a commitment with her then you need to take a step back and wait till you find someone who is compatible with you intellectually and mentally.
Do I Like Who I Am When I Am With Her?
You need to ask yourself how your interactions with her leave you feeling? Does her presence bring out the best in you and you feel happy to be around her? Or do you feel anxious and emotionally depleted after every meeting? The first is your sign to know she’s the one for you and the second is your sign to walk out before something serious begins.
Can We Talk About Money Without It Becoming a Fight?
Money may often become a battleground of so many fights in long-term relationships or marriages. If your spending habits, values around financial management and overall habits around money differ starkly, this can lead to major conflicts in the future if you decide to commit.
Does She Respect My Boundaries?
A healthy partnership has two partners who show respect for each other’s boundaries and right to personal space. You need to pay attention to how she treats your boundaries, does she feel threatened by them or does she honor them? The answer will reveal which road to take.
Do I Respect Her as a Person?
Physical attraction fades with age and time, what stays is the attraction you feel towards her character and personality. You need to evaluate how you honestly feel about her. Is it merely her looks that you find appealing or are you drawn towards her qualities?
Can I Accept Her as She Is Right Now?
For a happy marriage or relationship, both partners must exercise their autonomy and maintain their individual identities within the relationship. But if you want her to give up on parts of her identity to make her the person you want, you are expecting unfairly from her. If you can’t accept her for who she is, making her shrink herself to appease you will create nothing but resentment. You must commit to her, not her potential to change. She is not your renovation project.
Do I Feel Heard When I Talk About Something Important?
Emotional intimacy develops only when someone makes you feel emotionally safe. Is she a good listener? Does she pause her phone and activities when you really want to talk? Does she validate your feelings? Does she correct you or listen calmly? These answers will show how understanding she is willing to be. A dismissive or emotionally unavailable woman would make a terrible life partner, while a woman who makes you feel heard and seen is invaluable.
Are We Moving Toward the Same Future?
Before settling down with someone you need to ask if they envision the same future and have the same goals for marriage, shared lifestyle, children, where to live, whether they will relocate if you switch jobs, her career ambitions, how much are you both willing to compromise and so on.
Do I Feel Secure, or Am I Constantly Trying to Prove Myself?
Are you the only one making all the efforts? Are you chasing her approval, happiness, or attention? Or are you constantly trying to prove that you are worthy of her love? If the relationship is lopsided with just your input the lack of reciprocity is enough reason to resign from the idea of commitment.
Can We Handle Life When Things Stop Being Easy?
Hardships are the true litmus test of a relationship. Observe how she shows up when you experience a personal failure, a business loss, a financial crunch, or any other major challenge in life. If she is supportive and empathetic during this phase she may be the right person to commit to for life, and if she becomes insecure, annoyed, and distant then it’s the other way around.
If Nothing About Her Changed, Would I Still Want This Relationship?
Look clearly at what exists today, the dynamic of your relationship with her, forget about the potential, the fantasy or the idealised version of her you expect, and question if nothing about the current status changed would you still love her? Would you still choose her? If the answer is yes then you must go ahead with the marriage.
Final Thoughts
Marriage itself is not necessarily scary, but entering one without carefully assessing your compatibility can lead to a painful or difficult outcome. Commitment should come after you have asked these questions honestly without letting infatuation cloud your judgment or your first steps. With this approach there is a high probability you will find your true soulmate and you can build something meaningful together.
Leave a Reply